the decision

well i made my decision. And although it was somewhat of an easy decision, it was still tough actually say the answer no i don't want to be a supervisor. I didn't exactly say it that way. I said given the state of some things i think my skills are best utilized in the HR department. The GM was accepting of that, which i really didn't know how well it would be recieved.

So anyways. if i hadn't gotten a preview of what being in a relationship with a girl was like, i might be more proned to take the position. As well as, i always thought i would stay in production.

People asked me if i would get a raise, and to tell you the truth, i didn't even ask. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to be clouded with the money. So over the next few bits of time measurements, i'll be working on my administrative side. Which oddly is not a skill of mine when doing the Gifts. So we'll see how that goes.

So we'll see how things go.

the big decision

well today is friday and i must make my decision if i want to stay in my position or move to be a supervisor. wish me luck.

last night i dreamed i was playing football.i miss those days. but oddly enough we were playing a day game (light out). And it seemed like we were playing freshman. The very few plays is that i remember Josh getting the ball, getting tackled and fumbling the ball and the other team gets the ball. Then i get the offense to go offside. Then the quarter back did some stupid toss the ball on the ground, so Olaf picked up the ball started running around the field, i tried blocking people for him, then he through the ball across the field sideways to Grant. Then he started running around. Then he tossed the ball on the ground so then i picked it up. Then (this always happens when its my turn to do anything in my dreams) i for some reason get led feat. i can barely nove. And as i'm struggling to walk to the end zone, i somehow get out of the dream. I don't know if i scored or not. I rarely remember my dreams, and for some reason i'm remembering them more and more. whats the purpose. To post my odd thinking process on my blog? i guess so.

I know its sad that my progress is going this slow. but yesterday i was at 17pushups. For some reason i felt very tired. My form wasn't like the other normal pushups i had done in the past. But for some odd reason i had the energy to do 20. Go figure. A whole 3pushup increase. Woohoo. 100 here i come.

This morning i pulled out the AudioA Like a Zombie CD. i'm takin it back to like Highschool days man. NO AC, NO FM, NO REGRETS.... in my CHEVETTE.

Attorney

So my insurance person called me. Wanting to get my statement from the accident. Ya that happened like 3 or 4 weeks ago. But she seemed to think that i have nothing to worry about except the raising of my insurance. There hasn't been any news back yet with the women that was dizzy. We assume she is okay. but the person in front of me who walked away for like 10 minutes after the accident to buy smokes came back and was walking around just fine. I was told he now has an attorney. So thats not cool. the cars that were involved more than likely won't exceed my money limit. But since we are unaware of the extend of the injuries, we can't really tell. The lady told me she would call me if i had to worry. but for now i don't. so thats good news apparently. haha.

I get to have lunch with an old friend tomorow so that is exciting.

one of the supervisors i'm told offered to go to third so that i could take second. Not that i want either. Third i guess is better than second. Its not terrible if your single have no life and only care about your career. Having seen what relationships are like, i'm ready to settle down (not that i was ever all that rowdy) not worry about being promoted. Just having the ability to have a job i can leave at work and not have to worry about having to do orientations on weekends and holiday's because we are in desperate need of hiring people. So ya. its pretty hectic back in the HR office.

not gonna do it

So i realized that my endeavor to go to organic stuff in the area of ketchup might just not happen. So i usually NEVER need ketchup at home. But yesterday i figured i want to go all out and actually cook something. So i decided to fry up my favorite egg sandwich. And in order to have a fried egg sandwich you HAVE to have ketchup. Its just a must. Eggs and Ketchup have to go together. Its like peanut butter and jelly. So i'm really contemplating whether i need to buy the organic stuff. I went with the non caged brown eggs at the grocery store. isn't that enough? Don't make me give up my Heinz ketchup!!!!

I have to give my answer tomorrow about the new job offer. i've already made my decision, i just kind of have to get another opinion from other people about what the job entails.

Even though all i did was do orientation at work today, it was a very good relational day. Even though i had a headache from the pink hamburger that i ate from the cafeteria at lunch yesterday that gave me a headache it was still a good day. Can't really say much more. sorry.

i'm convinced

So this product nayonaise that i told you i bought a couple of days ago. I'm convinced its sole purpose in life is to convince people to just use Turnkey and real mustard on the sandwich. Forget about the whole enjoyment of the sandwich. I don't even know why i bothered to continue to put the stuff on there. Possibly to make me from only eating one sandwich instead of too. In that aspect it helps. But crimanee it tastes better with no nayonaise than with it. So i'm not sure if i'm going to drop the nayonaise or what. I can't say i miss the miracle whip becuase i love the taste, but theres something about two pieces of bread with out high-fructose anything in it, real organic mustard, and buddig processed turkey. haha. Kind of defeats the purpose of eating organic right?

Found out at work today that i got offered a supervisor position. I normally don't like putting work stuff in my posts, but ya i was offered. Money wasn't offered just the position. Not too sure if i'll accept or not. i have till friday. It would be a third shift position. yikes!!!

hmm i think i just heard another gun shot. And the wheel of fortune people thought long beach was a place to vacation.

Tomorow is a full day of orientation. So i probably won't get anything accomplished.

I think thats it for now. oh and cindy for your info. i didn't go to disneyland again. i knew how much you were hurt by how many times i was going. So i decided to refrain from going.

Vacationing Spot

So their are only a few of you that remember the good old days of the first bowl game that Purdue went to under Coach Tiller. We were all in Josh's basement. They continued to show some comercial that showed the town of San Antonio Texas and they happened to show the Alamo. Everytime they showed the Alamo i would be like ya i was their, and my hotel was right next to it on the right (they never showed the hotel though).

but anyways i had the same thing happen to me. Except it was wheel of fortune and it wasn't the alamo. It was my old apartment. Ya no joke. I don't know where the wheel of fortune was being held, the volume wasn't loud enough as i was running on this oliptical cross trainer thing. But it went on to describe one of the prizes that could be won when spun to it. And i heard the word Long Beach. Could my ears be decieving me. Long Beach a Vacationing spot? No way. Was somebody going to tell them the true story behind this place. So they went on and showed the beach, and i kept looking for my old apartment on Ocean blvd. And no Joke they did a pan across the actual place i lived and showed the pool i never went to but was part of the complex. I was so their. That was my old place. And i so wanted to tell someone. And the other person in the weight room i could have told but then realized, heck i'm in long beach, and so is she, why would she care.

So was anybody going to tell them that although that was probably one of the nicest hotels/apartment complexe's on the Long beach area, but the ocean foams as boats drive by. It's not the cleanest and healthiest of places to go walking on the beach. All well, i'm sure they'll find out when they get there. Ya they tend to hide the huge harbor from all the views. Its not quite as romantic. haha.

in other news, i forgot to mention that on saturday, i was driving home from biblestudy and going to get grocery's and next to me pulls up my hairdresser. Ya. For some reason i always feel emberassed when i see my hair dresser/stylist whatever you want to call them. Because i'll style my hair for a week, and then go back to my old habits of showering and pushing it all forward and leaving it like that. But this day i didn't have enough time to shower. So i had major bead head. But i didn't much care... until she drove by. It's like they take ownership in their clients and i represent her, and i was doing a terrible job. I got over it. but i'm sure some of you at least have that feeling.

So back in the day i kept having these dreams of thinking i got emails from people and would be reading them psychicly reading the email in my head as i was sleeping. Well that stopped a while back. But last night i was psychicly reading the bible. I couldn't tell you even what i was reading, or what. But deffinately a nice change of pace. I just hope i wasn't adding or subtracting to God's word. I'd hate for the plauges to be set upon me mentioned in the bible. which is ironic becuase i finished the Frogs plague with Moses, Aaron, and Pharoah. And to show my lack of knowledge, i never knew Aaron was the one that held the staff and had it turn to a snake, or placing it in the water to turn it into blood or bring the frogs out of the knile. I always knew he was the interpreter for his brother, but never knew he held the staff. Thats what i get for watching the movie instead of the book. fortunately its allowable with Fiction. But Non-fiction, not exactly the greatest of things to do when concerning the whole basis of your faith. oops.

burnt pizza WHAT!!

So in my whole life of cooking pizza i have only burnt a pizza once. And that was only on accident and i was an evil kid growing up. I can remember one day when my mom, myself, and at least one of my sisters being around, but i remember the decision to cook a pizza for lunch. Well that was a great idea. I'm pretty sure i was still in my curious stage of pressing buttons just to see what they did. So i see the knob for clean on the oven (the one you pull thats in the front of the oven (all you young kids have no clue what the eighties were like for kitchen appliances but i guess the same could be said of me for the 70s and 60s and so on). But anyways so i decide to for some odd reason play with the turn dial knob on the oven and switch the clean handle in the front of the oven as well. I figured i could turn it back when i'm done playing with it no harm no foul. Well i was wrong. The pizza came out nice and krispy. the knob had locked in place and started the cleaning process. OOPS. Needless to say i have no clue what we had for lunch that day. But anyways, i decided to use the oven for i think the second time since i moved here. figured its rather old, it probably would need some extra time, and i'm too lazy to wait for the oven to preheat. So ya the cheese came out slightly crispy. The pizza was still edible and decent. But gotta love those carcinogens. (burnt cheese). yummy.

In other knews i finished Genesis. Now on to Exodus the story of Moses. One of my favorite movies is the Prince of Egypt. I always wanted to buy the sound track but never really felt like spending the money. (yup i'm cheap). And i don't have a VHS player so i can't watch the movie. Lets see if i can keep myself from breaking into song while reading all 40 chapters.

I really should do a synopsis on the readings of Genesis. But hey who hasn't read it. Now that i've finally read it all the way through, i feel like i'm the last person my age with my church background to have read that all the way through. So sad. but i'm fixing all that. but not that seeing this family tree really would excite anybody. it does me. Because i know now the stories behind the names.

click on image to enlarge

The Beach

So i went to the beach yesterday with the old Revolution church buddies. I think charlie showed up at like 830am or something to reserve the pit. And we didn't start the fire until like 6pm. Craziness i tell you. Anyways. so the first picture is of the wood that we used to burn in the pit. Ya its bed furniture from a furniture store. And all those long pieces are headboards. needless to say it made burning them quite an exciting task.



At the beginning we were thinking that using the head boards as a TP would be a good idea. Which it was until it toppled over. oops.



Much fun was had, but i think one of the scary highlights of the night was when the beach police came out. I mean seriously were burning bed furniture, the finish on the stuff can't exactly be healthy for the environment. But needless to say the people next to us actually tried burning the metal sticks, posts, thingy's in their fire from an Easy-up (see pic below



if you can imagine the white thing being off and people trying to stick all that metal into a fire pit... man i thought we were weird. So anywas the beach patrol drove by and think they actually gave them a ticket and fined them for burning it and then kicked them off the beach. I just can't believe they even tried that. We so thought that the police officer was going to come to our side and give us a ticket for having wood outside the pit that was burning. but apparently he had seen worse. PHEW.

good times though.

So sunday they had a baptism with a guy that was from germany (foreign exchange student) and was leaving to go back in a couple of weeks. The guy asked him to say a prayer in German. I knew i wouldn't have the ability to keep up with what he was saying, but i remember hering the equivaland of God (gee that one was tough), gift, people, and friends. Thats just about it. He spoke way to fast. I picked up other small words, but didn't know what the nouns where, so it was kind of pointless. All well. All the girls seemed to think he was cute becuase he could speak german. I thought german was like an ugly language that girls didn't like. I know Jenna wasn't all that impressed when i spoke it. haha.

teaspoon of sugar

nayonaise - not quite mayonaise and certainly NOT Miracle Whip.

I was at the grocery store, and as my wise sister has always said that eating organic or naturally produced food is healthier for you. And this book states i should be a vegeterian. As i'm not totally sure if i can ever give up a turkey sandwich, or a nice juicy hamburger, i am trying to find ways to eat healtheir. Much like this product called nayonaise. Pretty gross at first i think. but i assume i'll grow to tolerate it like i did the peanut butter with all the oil on top that you have to mix in. I didn't think anything would ever take me off of JIF peanutbutter, but i did. So hopefully this will take me off miraclewhip and move to a soy based product. But i'm also told your not supposed to eat too much soy becuase it can cause cancer. So i'm guessing it's a double edged sword.

I also saw that they had organic ketchup. I almost thought about buying it, but figured that might be too risky. I don't have much at home that i use ketchup for anymore since i haven't gone out to a fast food restaurant or even brought food back home that woul dneed ketchup, so i'm thinking the switch might be easier than with the miracle whip to Nayonaise.

Bible study was short today. We finished the Minor profits. And now i think were going to start doing Galations. So that will be fun i think.

Thats me for this morning. later.

so much to post

So today i went to Sacramento. Did you know thats the capital for the State of California. And who said my site wasn't educational.

Anyways, had to go there to represent the company i work for that was applying for a training grant. Our flight was delayed by an hour because their was a crew change (of the pilot just forgot to wake up). So we arrived an hour late, and as we were in the taxi cab going to the place they approved the proposal without us even being there. So ya we will be getting reimbursed for our training for the upcoming several months that we do.

On the way home though i was in the plane, thinking about how i never fall asleep and how i'm actually drifting to sleep and how amazed i was in actually falling asleep. Unfortunately the woman next to me had fallen asleep the exact same instant that i did, and dropped her baby in the aisle. The guy across from her in the aisle said a nice choice of words, the women picked the baby up, and she was crying like no other. It didn't bother me all that much oddly. usually baby crying and girl screaming (for any reason except being scared and being attacked) are the two worst sounds i think known to man in regular day life. But i think the kids are growing on me. Needless to say there was a kid on the first plane that wouldn't be quiet. Their wasn't a changing table in the bathroom of the plane so she went back to her seat. The baby was crying like no other. they hadn't sealed the door yet. and i almost spoke up saying, seriously let the mother take like 4 minutes to change the baby so we don't have to listen to the rutkuss for the next 1.5 hours. Oddly enough all she had to do was hand the baby to the father, and they were fine? maybe she changed the diaper in the seat? not sure. Don't really care.

So today is friday. i called lawana and it was 5pm there. and only 2pm here. i hate this time change thing. But i gave her a good scare. It's cruel messing with people when they think your actually having a nervous breakdown by getting onto a plain when you really aren't.

at least i'm nice enough to only let it last for a minute or so then get on with how life is going with the two of us.

At this point with LA driving i'm not really all that sure which is worse. going 30 miles consistantly, or being in stop and go traffic for the same amount of time. one minute your stopped the next your going 50 the next your going ten the next your going 70 the next your back to 5. I learned that my personality likes consistency. Good thing i don't have a temper problem and i'm easy going.

what else.. its friday. it will probably consist of me reading a book and probably going to bed early. Pizza sounds kind of good. But i know i'm too cheap for that, and don't want to ruin what i've got going at the moment.

later all.

too lazy

ya two posts ago i said i was having trouble with cropping the pic of my car. and figured i could do a screen capture and put it in a word document. well i haven'tinstalled microsoft word either, so thats out of the question so here is the pic in all its glory. i like it. sorry for the excess parking lot all around.

cut it

SO i just got back from running. I actually was able to use my wrestling training. I had about 3.5 minutes left in running and figured i would do one of those okay i have 3 minutes left. Last period i have to give it all no giving up. So first day i ran it was around 14 minutes. yesterday it was 13:53 minutes. and today i knocked a full minute and 1 second making my one mile record of 12:52. Still thirteen minutes to run a mile/walk a mile. Even though the first quarter mile was used to walk/speed walk to warm my legs up to the running. Once again, i'm not about the whole pain while excercising and pain while sleeping. I like my sleep time very much... when i'm not dreaming about freddy Kruger (see previous post i can't say below becuase it think when it archives it goes in reverse.. i think).

So anyways. Even though i hate sausage, i could REALLY go for a sausage Arni's pizza and an Arni's Junior with Fat Free French right now.

I hope someones room was able to get painted. I know it has to get painted very very soon. It's a shame i can't help. Good luck with that one.

So ya. i think thats it. I can't say i miss the days of dripping sweat, but it feels disgustingly awesome at the moment. I should take a shower, but i really don't want to take one now and one in the morning. Thats why i hate working out. It just ruins the whole shower/sleep schedule up.

and the weight is still bouncing between 297 and 294. I just can't get below that 294. I've been to 292 before. But that was an off day when i wasn't eating for three days. So i really can't count that. So ya. i'm stuck in the 290 range. Not complaining too much. I think once i gain more muscle the other fat will burn off faster since i will have the muscle. And muscle does way more than fat you know. So ya. i'm sure i've bored you all by now.

paint frusteration

So i took a picture of my car the other day and wanted to crop the picture. I don't have the image editing software on my computer so i tried using paint. I know there is a way ro crop and resize a photo, but i just couldn't figure it out. A guy of my magnitude with the knowledge that i have you'd think i've have the ability to figure out a stupid program like paint. I've done it once before i think. Or maybe i just put the picture in word and then did a screen capture, then moved the picture to the corner where i wanted the ..... I know how i did it. I was really hoping i wouldn't have to do that but it looks like that is the only way. Dang. So ya much frusteration with yesterday and trying to put a picture on my website. Sometimes geeks/nerds whatever you want to call me can have an off day.

So tomorrow i'm taking a short little trip to Sacramento. Who would have ever thought that living in the same state you would need to fly there. I know people that took cars to visit bowling green (i think 6 or 8 hours from where i was) and they drove. Here i think it's like a 4 hour trip or something and where flying and were still in the same state. blows my mind. we fly out 7am i think, and will arrive at LAX at 4:05. Short little trip to apply for a state grant to help offset the cost for Training that will be done in the next 20some months.

The drive home was kind of sad today. I remembered as i was exiting the offramp that i'm usually in the far other lane trying to get to Mission to go to biblestudy. I wonder if i'll ever rejoin the group? or if i'll join a different one. Curious.

So only a few more days until July hits. Where has this year gone. rent is due. and after that rent is paid i only have 5 more months to pay until i either have to move out, or resign for 6 months probably. Thats a curious subject as well.

I really like driving my car. It just feels like i'm upperscale now. The CD player is cool too. And my light just turned on after passing 390miles. so this car gets a little bit better gas mileage than the other depending on how big the other tank was. Which i think was right around 17 gallons as well. but i guess i'll never know.

Saturday there is a small group bonfire thing that i might go to with the old church i used to attend. Not sure if i'm going to attend or not. I probably really should. I just have to figure out how to get there without having to pay 10 bucks for parking.

So yesterday i was reading about Joseph. I have so many flashbacks to Donny Osmond and his performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I just want to break out into song when i read the stories. But as you may know Joseph was a dreamer. no he didn't daydream in school (they didn't have school then, it was school or be schooled). So he had these dreams and he would interpret them and his brothers didn't like it. He also interpreted a dream for a cupbearer and a baker in jail, and then interpreted a dream from the Pharaoh. So i got to thinking how it would be neat to be someone that could one have dreams that would forsee the future (sometimes.. i'm being careful of what i wish for), as well as being interpret yours and other peoples dreams.

So along that theme, my dream last night was that i was stuck in a Freddy Kruger horror film. I've never seen a Freddy Kruger movie, but man it was a scary dream. I don't remember much of the details, other than i was scared, and running i think all the time. Which at the moment in my life is so contradictive fo the feelings epxressed in the dream. So i'm totally confused. how about you?

am i not fun?

So i've noticed that when i had a g/f that people posted a lot on my site. Granted they were posting because they were mad and upset that i got to go to Disneyland every sunday.

Then when i broke up with my g/f the posts kind of stopped. Did i become un-fun again? Granted the posts may be sad and depressing to read but really i'm not. just a place to vent.

So anyways, when i get home, i should have a pic of my car and i'll post it on here. So ya'll can see the beautiful green machine that it is. I really need to come up with a name for that thing.

So i didn't lose any weight, and pushups were tough today becuase of my running and lifting yesterday. But i got through it. But even though the weight is the same, i still feel skinnier, and about 4 sizes to small for my pants... and i can really see my eyes. it's so cool. I always said i would start losing weight once I got a girlfriend. And i did. It's a shame that person can't enjoy the loss of weight, if that is even a thing that someone could enjoy besides myself?

the double post

So by know your probably thinking what on earth does this guy do all day. Believe me i have no clue. my days seem to be spent reading or working or sleeping and eating every once and a while. but anyways just figured i'd let Bob know i increased my Worlds strongest man Training.

as you may have been reading i have been doing pushups every morning. Which is nice, but oddly enough have gotten stuck on the number 15 for a while. So i decided to tear my muscels up a little more and go lift 150lbs on the weight bench that stands straight up. (i really do hate using machines for the bench press excercise). But anyways and after that i decided to get on the tredmill.

now being a big guy i've always been afraid of not only standing but running on those things. The saying goes the bigger they are the harder they fall. Well ya that was my fear. SO i decided i was just going to walk a mile. Didn't seem like it would be all that difficult. I'm taking very small strides. as you can see the 15 pushups in the morning. wouldn't want to tear anything. So after a little bit of walking, i decided to up it to a brisk walk. Then got bored of that and figured i would try running. Ya big step (no pun intended) for the first day trying out the machine. I had used the treadmill once before in my years back in highschool. I seriously had a girl check me out when i was there during my 2 week free trial. So anyways. ya i was running and not falling. Once before i had started running and it told me i was too big that i should get off the machine (NO LIE). So i didn't get that warning so that was good. And i ran/walked a mile in 14 minutes. Not quite gradeschool timing where we had to run a mile in 10 minutes or under. But i'll get there. and don't you love the feeling you get after stepping off the treadmill. Makes you feel like your walking a mile a minute.

Lastly i'm told one of my friends back home ran into my uncle Roger at his work in ILL. Small world. I haven't heard his reply after he said he met him so i'm still waiting for the delayed response.

later

ET PHONE HOME

So for those of you how have had the priveledge of me calling you while i'm driving and being dropped becuase of not having any reception, well i think the problem may have been fixed. I found a great deal on an antenna for my phone on ebay. So i ordered it last week, and today it is here. So well see how driving goes tomorow when i drive past the place i ALWAYS get dropped. And see how my cellphone gets reception inside the plant (i usually get none unless its right by my computer. But then when i left it up and open it i loose connection. So it was good for text messaging which i did a lot the last three months. Not so much anymore. So my phone is feeling pretty unloved at the moment.

So ya. i got a new cellphone antenna. Should be fun to try out tomorrow.

I think i'm going to go work out now. Go burn off some steam.

lasagna

So right now i'm really craving stouffers lasagna party size. I couldn't eat the whole thing. but could deffinately eat the whole thing in two sittings. It sounds so good right now. good thing it takes like two hours to cook otherwise i would so be on that right now.

so i guess thats a good thing that i'm getting some of my appetite back, but just hope its not the complete opposite effect of starving myself or going on a huge binge and gaining all my weight back. I sure hope not!! lets find out. stay tuned and find out if i become a starved eathernopian, or a beached whale. This should be good. Its better than reality TV. It's like REAL life!! imagine that. Live it up guys. don't spend glued to a TV!

CPK

So i didn't think anything of it. My parents were in town we want to go eat somewhere and there is a CPK. So i think cool i'll have a salad, i'm not all that hungry. So we get in, and i realize ya, this is where we first met. I did all the open the eyes to get the air in and dry the wet eyes, and the breathing through the mouth. Didn't work. It was a total failed attempt. They offered to go eat somewhere else. But said no i'll get over it. I have to. I can't ban myself from going to every place i ever went with the girl. That would be a waste of a disneyland pass, and of good food.

anyways. got the new car. it rocks. it has a cd player. and the speakers aren't blown to smitherines. unfortunately for Terry and someone else i know who hates green, its dark green. But in the dark it looks black. so just make sure the car is hidden in a very dark place when ever you see it and you'll be fine.

Anyways. its late i'm going to bed. peace out

Fathers Day

Well today is fathers day so happy fathers day. Today has been quite busy. went to church it was a good service and sermon. one of those that you gained a lot from, but hope somebody else attendend and was receptive to it. But ya. after that i helped up with setting up of the food. And even got to cook me some hamburgers. I hope nobody got sick. I've never actually cooked on a grill before.

To tell you the truth i have no clue what my emotions are feeling right now. i know i feel a great loss. But when i see a certain someone, i feel numb. I'm not sure if i'm trying to block out the emotions or what. I just feel numb. I miss sharing my life with someone. I see her doing her thing and she sees me doing my thing but we never made eye contact. Its just plain weird i tell you. I want to know what she is thinking and how she is feeling. but thats not for me to know anymore. and that hurts, but i'm growing so i'm happy and numb about what i really should be feeling.

i'm just tired of thinking so much.

tonights plans

So its eight o clock on a saturday and i'm already ready for bed. I got home from biblestudy this morning and went to the grocery store. By the time i settled down it was around 1. So i decided to learn a song from a Shawn Mcdonald CD EricJ gave me. It's a pretty easy song chord wise. It's just E,C,B,A,A,B There is some variation with the A and the B during the chorus and bridge but other than that real easy. But for goodness sake the singer had to put the words in like the most uneasiest of places so that i can't sing and play at the same time. Most words start when the chord changes. On the CD they all start on like the upstumm (if thats even a word) of the guitar which totally thorws my beat off which is a shame becuase it's a good song. I'd like to play it in a church service some time. But unfortunately its just one of those You and God type songs that can really only be done effectively with You and God. It would be tough to do in a church worship setting and have everybody get the true meaning of the song. It would be too easy to just sing the words.... which i've been doing FOR YEARS. sorry didn't mean to shout.

So anyways. did that for an hour. Then went to reading my Who I am in Christ book. I'll post my thoughts tomorrow on those probably. Then took a nice little nap. Woke up Read some Old testament history. It still gets me every time that Isaac goes up with his dad to a mountain carrying the wood and knive for the alter that he is supposed to be sacrificed on. It doesn't exactly say if Isaac was willing, it just says that Abraham bound his hands together and isaac lays there on the alter. Can you imagine just lying there on the alter with your dad nolding this knife up in the air ready to strike you. I can't imagine the sigh of relief on both of there faces when the Angel appeared.

Then in a couple of chapters later Abraham sends one of his servants to find a wife for his son in some town away from the Hittites (he's not a fan of the Hittites i gueess). So anyways. The servant goes to this well prays to God saying if there is a maiden that gives me water from the well and offers to give water to my camels that will be a sign for that women to be offered to marry Abraham's son Isaac. So after that the servant gives the woman a few bracelets and puts a nose ring on her. her parents hadn't even accepted the it yet and your going to put a nose ring on the girl? Now thats a weird tradition.

So now that i read this story, i'm figuring that when i'm ready for a wife, i'll just find a servant, give him ten camels two bracelets and a nose ring, tell him to go to some city and go to a well and find a women that will offer him drink for himself and his camels. Then i will have my wife. Seems easy enough right?

What different times we live in these days.

Oh ya and poor Abimelech. He is a ruler of some sorts and first he runs into Abrahams wife and they tell him that she is a sister/brother relationship, so she is taken away and abraham's life is spared because if the guy finds her beautiful and they are married he will have the husband killed so that they can marry. Tough time to live right. Tell the king your married and die and the king still gets your wife, Tell the king your brother and sister and the wife gets taken away anyways. it's a no win situation.

So anyways, I don't know much about Abimelech but he seemed to be an upright kind of guy from the two occurances that i read about him so far. He truly seemed to fear the Lord want to do what is right. Before lying with Abraham's wife he had a dream that they were married. So he called Abraham and he told them the truth and Abimelech was upset but wanted to give him what he needed so that Abraham would pray for them and heal them. Then again for a second time, Abimelech finds Isaac's (abraham's son) wife to be beautiful. So she is summoned. Then later before they had laid together, Abimelech sees Isaac and Rebekah together and he questions there being brother and sister, and yet again he sends them off unharmed. The guy just can't seem to find an unmarried woman. (not that i know the whole rest of his life) and the fact that he keeps going back to that family. Fathers wife then sons wife.

So anyways, this is probably a post that should be put in my bible reading thing. but this has been the extent of my day. reading. READING. who would have ever thought i'd become a reader. Not I.

that reminds me of...

you know i'd like to think there was some sort of aspect ratio of how long it takes to get over some one. We dated for a month. I'd like to think that a month of missing her would be sufficient enough and then i can move on. I'm just not sure that aspect ratio is congruent with my heart. I know it hasn't even been two weeks yet, and i'm seriously not depressed about the whole issue. i really couldn't tell you if my heart was ever in the right place when dating. I'd like to think whole heartedly that it was. I'd like to think that getting flowers for her, and buying her a can of compressed air (because she had never heard of such a thing), opening her door, driving back and forth all the time, applying sunblock on her back, holding hands where all acts of love and service. I'd like to think i never had an alterior motive to want to make her happy so that she would like me back in turn. I know that i liked her and i know that i liked God. But see that is where enlies the problem. I liked God and i probably had more affection towards Jenna. Whenever i thought of Jenna there was no way i couldn't think about God in how he was impacting my life over the past couple of weeks. How he was coming alive in me. I couldn't not think about how God was a huge part of her life, and my responsibility as a boyfriend to learn how to treat her like Jesus loved the Church. I'd like to think that we were both going down the road that would get us their. But God had a different plan for us. And the odd thing is is that it's not tough to accept that we broke up. It needed to happen, and i know why. But it still hurts to go places like even the grocery store.

carnations on sale,
peanuts,
juice,
chocolate
ice cream
cheese spread
sun tan lotion
cream cheese
bagels
CPK pizza in a box

and that was only a few isles at a grocery store, not too mention everywhere else i go. And i imagine she might very possibly be going through the same issues. It hurts knowing that what could have been won't become. But what could have been very easily could have been quite disasterous. I don't know. And as far as the grieving process goes. i really have no clue if i'm supposed to keep all the emotions in? Am i supposed to go to the grocery store and buy a whole bunch of ice cream and eat it all? If anything i've lost the appetite.

So to get back to the time limit thing. I really don't know if a month is going to be enough away time from her. But maybe by being around her will help with the unknowns. i don't know.

its not a depressing post, it may sound sad which can be. But its just one of those i throw my arms up in the air and say "I don't know Lord, guide me in the direction that you are leading. Let me never stray from your path again."

I get my car on Sunday. how exciting.

Tomorrow is Fathers day i will be helping out set up and serve. I wouldn't trust me near hamburgers. Not that i would eat them all just probably be under or overly cooked. So ya tomorow will be a very interesting day.

its green

So i have a new car. it will arive on sunday.

it doesn't have a sun roof but it does have a cd player, which i just know kind of noticed. I really haven't listened to my cdplayer or even the radio for the past few weeks. At times i find it a huge distraction to what i really need to think about and pray during my 30 minute drive to work or home or the 2 hour drive to Mission Viejo. I no longer need it to fill space. And i don't want to get into the habit i was in by having music play and then get numb to it. Ever since my huge awakaning last week, i've never really had the ability to worship the same. It's so much more deeper now than it ever was. I know that if i were a person that continued to lead worship, i just wouldn't have the ability because i would want to sing my heart out and cry. And as i've found out the past two services i've been too. I KNOW i sound bad. And thats a lot. becuase everybody tells me i sound bad when i sing and i think i sound good.

So anyways. today i was invited to go to a Angels Padre's game. the seats were awesome. we were on the fifth row from the ground on the first base side just past the dugout. it was so cool. i had never been so close before.

Then at the end was a fireworks show, which was cool. It hurt because it reminded of being at disneyland and watching the fireworks there with Jenna. but this one was cool. they had fireworks that were absolutely huge that made you feel so small. And at the end they had the whole sky filled with fireworks all at once. it was mass awesomeness if there ever was such a thing.

thats all i got. thanks WIll for the tickets, and thanks Bobby for the invite. You were rite on time for my being available. And thanks for continually offering for me to come back. Which i will pop in from time to time. i can't forget about my first church fam.

oh ya and bobby, that email i was waiting for. ya still waiting.

its a slightly new used car!!!

So what car is in the running for my next car. Seeing as how i like honda's so much, i figured i'd go with another accord. My parents thought so. not to say they and i aren't searching other avenues. Like Toyota Camry per say.

But anyways my parents found this car that has a 6 disk cd changer, and a sunroof. I'm sold. But obviously need to do some more shopping around. We'll see.

heres a pic i found online. The car is blue. SO its a good change from the green my friends keep saying they hate the color of. Really it's only two people. But i love to bug them about it. SO i think blue will be a nice change for me. Hopefully i'll be able to remember what car i drive and not look for a green honda anymore.



My parents will probably be coming down saturday, and i'm going to an angels game on Friday which i'm really excited about. Then sunday is fathers day at MVCC so i volunteered to help out set up and serve. It could very easily be a very tough service to attend. It's one thing to not think about someone when they are not around. It's another when they are.

2 time

sorry second post today. but had to seperate the two if i can remember what they both where.

happy 1 week anniversary. ya its been 7 days. I think i'm pretty much over most of the emotional times. But we'll see.

oh and last night, i had this terrible dream that i was having a conversation with my insurance person and that i was going to have to pay 1,000 dollars a month for this accident. I was not a happy camper. Last night i lost 5lbs sleeping, last night I didn't lose any. But still had the recurring email dream? I can't wait until that one is out of my head.

lastly the church where Matt has his wedding at we ended up going to the church service in the morning after going to the waffle house. The day before they had just sent off there highschool group to go to Piedras Negras. Which is exactly where CCF went on their mission trips when i went. So that was neat. It's a shame i'll never be back at that church in Georgia ever again. I'd think it would be neet to see pictures of how the whole place is turning out. But i do have this website i found a while back

Vida Nueva Ministries

Obsession

So i've gained this sad new obsession that i'm sure if i don't stop now it's going to be a terrible downward spiral with a relationship i have with me and my mirror.

Yesterday i looked in the mirror and realized that i could actually see the color of my eyes. Usually because the skin above my eyes would always sag over my eyes covering it so you couldn't really see them. But yesterday i could actually see that i had blue eyes. I had always known that i had blue eyes but it was actually quite nice to see that i had these pretty baby blue eyes.

And also since you know i'm in training for the worlds stongest man competition i have been working out. But as you know i started out quite small by just doing pushups. I'm now up to 15. Ya big increase in just a couple of days. Pretty soon i'll beable to do 20. I could probably do twenty, i just don't really feel like pushing myself to do 50 and strain every muscle in my arms to the point i need to use that Icy/Hot which didn't work that time i went lifting with Bob. That was not a fun night of sleeping i tell you.

So ya its fun looking in the mirror to slowly see my muscles form. I'm going to be hip dude when i'm in shape and weight like 250 and bench 300lbs. Although i need to find an actual weight bench. The one they have in the work room only goes to like 200. That will last me for about a month or so. After that though it will do me no good. Not sure i have the money to join a sports club.

So i'm really thinking that i need to create another blog for my readings in the old testament. I've never read it all the way through. Kind of like the movie Search for the Holy Grail. I've see parts of it, but never sat down and watched the whole thing. So this is my chance to do that. In just the first 20 chapters it's amazing to read the things i am reading. Pretty sad i'm finding them out now at the age of 25, but none the less, i'm finding out again that God has a sense of humor and people where quite weird. Not that i'm not. I just wouldn't offer myself up to my father for the sake of continuing the family because the father didn't have any sons. I'm not exactly sure who all read's the blog, but i assume the posts will be a higher level rating as far as what is talked about. It's will probably not be for children i would assume. And for those that are baby Christians it might be good to follow along with my trek through the old testament, and hopefully it would be a tool for curious minds that don't know who Jesus is would read it and ask me or people questions of the Joy i have inside me when i read about God destroying entire villages. His wrath has been satisfied. jesus' blood covers us. How much more should he loves us because we are washed clean by his Son's sacrifice to save us to live with Him for eternity. ETERNITY. Is that not cool. I would hate to spend an Eternity where there will be weaping and gnashing of teeth (a.k.a. Hell).

so anyways long post. I'll get around to that before too long. Too much to post and do i guess.

Who Am I?

So Laura Gave me a book and i've been reading it. So i decided i would create a blog for it and other books that i read. This one is specific to the book. I'll create a link to it someday. but for now your just going to have to click here once and then bookmark it hoping your computer doesn't crash, because i'm pretty slow at creating links on the sides.

Who Kevin is in Christ

I named the title of the folder wrong compared to the book. i messed up am i and i am. SO someday i may change that too. But i'm not in any hurry. So sorry. Its been a really good study.

Winner #3

So here is the third book that i just won from inbubblewrap.com



So yesterday was yesterday. nothing too terribly exciting. There was work, and then there was biblestudy. The study was good i guess, but not really sure if its a group i really want to be in. We'll see i'll have to think and pray about it more.

What i'm looking for

Here is a list of things i am looking forward to having in my car

-a CD player (you don't know how much i have been wanting one of these
-sun roof (doubt i'll ever get that luxury)
-a remote to lock and unlock my doors. It's so much quicker when opening for the lady but quite annoying when carrying in the pocket.
-dummy lights that turn off when i accidentally leave them on!!!
-did i mention the CD player? they come standard in most cars. who knew.

so other than the sunroof i'm pretty easy to please when it comes to the new car. but here are some things i'm not looking forward too.

-monthly payment
-no sunroof
-raised insurance
-trying to pick a color that will fit me. there better only be like two choices, and i better love one and hate the other. haha.

today we had somebody come in and do the mock audit. It wasn't very in depth, but deffinately gave us some good pointers. he will be coming back i think. so that will be nice.


SO ya thats me. i'm off.

Update

So since the times seem to be one of changing, i'm thinking about revamping the website. I've never been good with design but i'm going to see what i can make up.

Whats to come
Posts on books i read by chapter
...

thats all i've got so far. As you can see i stopped updating this site like two years ago, except for this front page.

So i'm looking for a new car. ya thats pretty much all i got at the moment.

and for the last comment probably needs to be a silent one. but ya. i'm going to "sigh." becuase i am SO growing in my confidence. Thank you Jesus. May you take great delight in me.

starting over

sorry to post the pic again. but its hard to believe that this much damage would deam the car as TOTALLED.



So i guess this is all starting out fresh again.

doubletake

So ya this is what i look like as of yesterday. I know i saw the picture and moved on. I totally didn't think it was me. Where did i go? I got some looks from ladies, but you know i really didn't care. But i'm still trying to get over that i am single. I only wanted to share that with one person.

oh ya, and mom thats one of the shirts you bought for me like 6 years ago i had never worn. Thanks. oh and those are the pants we bought at marshals.

delayed reaction

So today is sunday. This morning i was in the bathroom shaving like usual, but i didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. On my way home from church i felt this weird itch on my nick thinking i had scraped while shaving, but was one of those dry scab things. So since i was in the car the only thing i had was the rearview mirror i decided to take a look. Well what do you know. I get into another car accident. This just isn't my month.

Okay so now you've gotten over the fact that i'm probably one of the worst drivers, i was totally kidding. But you obviously had to read this far in order to read that becuase i didn't want to put Just kidding right after it or in the first line of the next paragraph. These things have to be hidden.

Anyways so i was looking in the mirror and realized i was missing something. I couldn't quite figure it out. Then it hit me. I lost my double chin. How cool is that. My face is skinny again and not swollen up like a bee stung it.

ya this is Quite attractive.

That picture is probably when i was most heaviest... but i'm not really sure.

Last night at the BBQ April took a picture, i so want to see what i look like in digital format now?

Service today was good. worship was good, sermon was good. It truly is a shame that i can't move the church up near where i am, or me quit and move down there. But anyways. But anyways. I was going to go to first service. i thought it started at 930. ya at 540 i went to check and make sure it starteda t 930. nope it starts at 9 like normal churches. oops. But second service starts at 1045, so it had me all messed up. So service got over, and i usually go to help Jenna. Well that obviously wasn't an option. So i tried hanging around didn't really see too many people i knew around. So i decided to head to my car. You should have heard the battle in my head i need to turn around but how stupid would that look to turn around just to look and see if i can find someone i know. So anyways i proceeded to the car and threw everything i had in my car, closed the door and then walked back to the huge hang out area. And then it happened i started meeting people. what an amazing concept. Although i did meet one of Jenna's friends who she hadn't had time yet to tell her, so it was kind of a shocker for her and us. So ya, i'm still not sure if it's my place to tell her or what. And even people that i've went to disneyland with who are good friends, i told the husband, but not the wife that we broke up. I just don't have a clue if she wants to say it or not. I don't want a mad rush of people calling her asking questions. She can obviously answer them, but still i'd assume it wouldn't be easy.

But other than that Laura Bless her heart came buy and got me a book to help me on my road to learning how to lead myself which will then help me to lead others and a future wife.

Which made me laugh too becuase one of my spiritual gifts is teaching (ya would would have thought me and my monotone voice teaching? but it still is a very huge part of who i am when i am walking in the spirit. But i was just thinking man i should so take notes so that i can teach others about "Who I am in Christ."

So ya, we are both on our road to recovery. please continue to pray for us.

healing

okay okay i know i know. too many posts for the past two days. sorry i have a whole bunch to talk about.

So since my arms are too big to fit into the blood pressure thing at work, i decided to check mine at home.

It's around 90. i don't know what other number would be. The thumb on wrist technique doesn't have that option. So I think i'm at a weight where i can be off the meds.... i think. Beucase i've been off them for a while.

Now i still have to get this possible cancer spot looked at on my head. Please be praying for that.

trying on clothes

So i forgot also that today i tried on some clothes i hadn't put on since my mom bought them for me like 4-5 years ago. I couldn't bring it to myself to throw them away. but now they actually kind of fit if i suck it in... just the slightest bit. I NEVER would have thought that i would fit back into those cool looking dress shirts. its a shame i live in california. Every day is like short sleeve weather. Maybe since i lost so much weight i'll get colder easier?

oh ya and the shorts i recieved a couple of weeks ago ya there slightly already showing signs of being too big. Maybe i should start eating? Just kidding mom.

thankful

so what happened today.... drove an hours worth for a 2 hour mens biblestudy group. Cleaned my apt. Did some sorting. Arranged some of my clothes. Started reading a health book, played some guitar, got a laundry card (they cut the quarter thing and went to a credit card plastic type thing).

Today's devotional was about the woman who poured the Perfume over Jesus head and feet. The last supper, and Jesus saying one of you will betray me. Judas obviosly says "surely not me." You'd think that a person being around jesus' pressence, seeing him heal people, cast demons out, feed thousands of people with so little, you'd begin to wonder why he would betray him. Even after saying "surely not me lord." But we as christians do it daily. We say we will never do something like that, and then go ahead and do it anyways.

but Jesus' blood washes of clean as white as silk. For that, i am thankful.

odd

295lbs. 20lbs away from highschool weight. unfortunately i'm not up to muscle weight.

it hit me this morning. i have an ex-g/f that is so weird to me.

sumptin sumptin

So what did i learn today. There was a verse in Zephania that really stood out to me today which i had read yesterday that totally humbled my spirit and gave me joy. And actually got to thinka bout when singing.

3:17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Also i'm finding out that i really am a lot further along than i thought i would be. But still in order for everything to sink in, i best probably wait a year.

Day 1.... to the rest of my life. Here is to my new Great Adventure.

why is it that for some odd reason i expect somebody might email me at 3 or 4 in the morning? I'm certainly never up at this time, nor should anybody else. But for some reason i guess i just expect there to be someone else out there at three in the morning to send me an email.

297lbs. Man its nice to see that 2. And i'm starting my worlds strongest man competition training. I'm starting off real small though. 10 pushups a day. I don't want to strain myself to much.

Car Crash PIcs

here are two pics of the crash. i'm not telling the story i've emailed it enough times. if you want to know talk to me or post that you want to know the story.

my car is the green one. Enjoy at my expense. haha hehe hoho. ugh.

The accident

so yes i was in an accident, but i don't have the time to share. i've probably written the whole thing out millisons of times. 4 cars including mine. i was the fault. my head was off in another world. I'm okay. I don't think anybody was injured to bad. one lady got sent to the hospital for being dizzy. So we'll see i guess. so today i get to go in and get the car fixed and get a rental i guess.

in other slightly more happy news. this morning i hit 299.5. YAY. mini celebration of me i guess. So that means from i've lost 50lbs in the past 4 years. Well i've lost and gained back and did that whole up down thing. But 4 years to get me from 350-to this point. providing my scale isn't jacked up... which it probably is :(

Friends

I always new that i had good friends. But i just want to thank you guys for being there for me and praying for me and letting me know you care. Despite the fact i'm not a perfect Christian. You guys are good to me. Thanks.

weight update

301lbs yay.

now i'm only 26 pounds away from what i weighed back my senior year in highschool back in 99.

Today

Happy one month anniversary.